The inability to control our life situation whether real or perceived leads to much, if not most of the suffering in our society. Whether internalized or externalized, control can either provide us with a real/false sense of comfort or real/false sense of discomfort.

In my brief time as a therapist I have seen people wince at the statement, “it is what it is.” I too, am guilty of cringing when those words are directed towards me.

The reality is that we have choices; to accept the current situation or fight against it. For most of us, acceptance is not a palatable solution so the brain kicks into overdrive and we begin to think, perseverate, plan, plot and find every reason why a particular situation should not be as it is. We lose sleep and our patience is depleted. Depression, anxiety and anger creep into our daily lives until we lose sight of what it was we were trying to control. You’ve become a victim; a victim of bad luck or a victim of other’s behaviors towards you. For some this can become a habitual cycle of where hyper vigilance and constant dissatisfaction direct their daily interaction with world.

Ask yourself; how much of your world do you try to control and what is the payoff?
Then ask yourself what am I willing to accept and surrender to? Where can I let go of the control and just “be?”


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